Blushingly Baccivorous

Class is in session —and so we shall summon first the sweet tooth of the Baltimore Oriel. As a clumsy world vanishes we paint sunbeams onto our torsos. Make sure you’ve brought along your bag of tangerines. Add 12 oz of honeysuckle, Zuni Mountain lava, and a dash of enthusiasm. Storm-watch hiccups included. 

Translation: the feast is about to begin. We'll reveal our favorite recipe for making homemade grape jelly, reminisce on mythological tales of how the hummingbird got its color, and explore as to why turkey feathers are crucial charms for the afterlife. But, why is this episode such an essential interlude into the history of our program itself? You’ll have to tune-in to gain access to the philosophy section, fellow Venusian. 

Sultry jazz and hypnotic nostalgic tunes by Phat Dat, George Benson, Takeshi’s Cashew, Les Sons du Cosmos, and quite a few other phantasmagoric vocal visionaries set aflame upon the sea. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_11 0:11

Spring is on its way, and I can hear the burning. The wind is getting more must take by day. The wind is getting more must be by day. The wind is getting warmer day by day. The wind is getting warmer.

SPEAKER_07 1:20

Thank you for joining me. I've got to go for the post office. You're tuning in to Hey Venus Radio. Hello and welcome. You're listening in. There we go. Testing, testing. One, two, three. Salutations, fellow Venusian. Welcome to episode number 125. Classes in session. This is Juna Jelinsky, your host, reporting live. Have you noticed, which I'm sure you have, there are so many. So many. So many. So many of those yellow birds. The Wilson's warbler. Chubby little bastards. Who stay close to the ground, hopping around in the lower, you know, vegetation. Or even the common yellow throat. Who, well, are much more social. And in fact, they tend to spend some of their time actually actually observing us humans. But but but but it's the American goldfinch that, you know, oh I really this one really fascinates me. They're dedicated vegetarians. If you've got one of those nifty hummingbird feeders, well, excuse me. If you've got you've got one of those nifty hummingbird feeders, well, hmm, that just that just won't do. You have to grab the one where you can have space to pour some seeds and, you know, chop up some fruit. So the other birds can come and feast. Feast.

SPEAKER_06 3:45

Oh, you want to feast?

SPEAKER_07 3:47

And of course, slice some oranges for the Baltimore Orioles. Sweet tooth. I think that's like truly, you know, what they're hungry for, those oranges. I guess you could do slice up some tangerines. So sweet. Actually, I think well, so this is like what I came to the conclusion of. Many moons ago, I just make a very specific bird feeder for the Baltimore Oriole. He gets his own tray, his very own tray of delicacies that he's not gonna share with anyone. Just me and you. And they really love grape jelly. Uh if you can, get it organic, you know, well, if you can afford it. I'd even say if you have the time, make your own jelly. It really doesn't take that long. About an hour. About an hour. I've only made jelly a few times and I've always had uh I've never really had many problems. It's always come out pretty successful. The ingredients are really simple. Uh you'll just want to start with five pounds of grapes. Uh you can do the powdered apple pectin, eight teaspoons of that, and four cups of sugar. I usually use the coconut sugar. You'll add a half a teaspoon of unsalted butter at the end, uh, which helps to reduce uh the foam situation, which you'll you'll notice. Uh, and then two teaspoons of fresh lemon juice. That's it. I just start by washing the grapes. Five pounds of grapes. Getting any kind of uh schmutz off of there, you know. So that you have a bowl that's large enough to house all the grapes. And you'll take one of those potato mashers and you'll crush them up as best as you can. After you have them all mashed up to a pulp, add the grapes to a non-reactive stock pot. You'll want one that has a two-gallon capacity. And then after you fill up that pot with your mashed grapes, you'll add just enough water to the pot until the grapes are just slightly submerged, not exactly covered all the way. So they'll be just slightly above the water level. You're gonna bring the pot to a boil over a medium heat, then reduce to a simmer for about 30 minutes. And uh stir, you know, frequently. I usually do like every 30 seconds to a minute. I keep stirring. And then after you've completed the cycle, pour the mix into a strainer that's lined with cheesecloth. And just squeeze out those excess skins and you know, well, the juice, actually, the skins are gonna stay in the cheesecloth. Then, most importantly, set aside a metal spoon or like one of those small metal pie plates into a bowl of ice, or you stick it in the freezer. Stir the pectin and the sugar in with what you've squeezed out of the cheesecloth. You're gonna whisk the grape juice, add in the butter, and then bring the mixture to a rolling boil on that medium to high heat until it gets around 220 degrees Fahrenheit. And just be sure to like remove any of the foam, because there's gonna be some foam, and you don't want that in there. And make sure not to turn down the heat while it's cooking. Now set aside a spoonful of jelly with that ice cold spoon or that little metal pie plate. You want to let it sit just for a few minutes. Tip the spoon sideways to see if it holds its shape. Now, if the jelly drips off the spoon like water, it's it's it's clearly not ready. So you want to let the mixture cook for just a few more minutes. And this is where your intuition comes in, you know. The jelly holds its shape. It's ready. Turn off the heat and then uh beat in a little bit of that lemon juice. And then pour the jelly into a sterilized pint jar. Stick it in the fridge.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Is this true? Is this appetizing yarn of yours true? Well, I find melon rind sand, bits of hot dogs, cookie crumbs and rotten cotton candy, melted ice cream, mustard dribblings, multi goodies everywhere. Yes, yes, lots of popcorn, apple cars, banana peels and soggy sandwiches, and cubs of gorgeous guoptica. Bull at the fair. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_07 9:29

Ah, there are so many things to learn from from nature. I wouldn't, you know, I would have never gotten into making jelly if it weren't for my discovery of the Baltimore Oreole and his very specific dietary needs. Um then of course, if you don't mind me getting into there's the strange history of bird feathers. Yes, I said the feathers. It was once believed that turkey feathers were much more valuable than the meat itself. What upon a time? Turkey feathers were used to assist the dead in their return to earth before their soul rose up into the sky and transformed into clouds. Often enough, it was really for the Pueblo Indians. For the bodies of the deceased were wrapped in turkey feathers to help speed up the spirit's transition into the next world. There's also that belief that birds are associated with the rainy weather, as if their presence before and after the storm was a ritual conducted by the Swifts and the Sallows. Now, the Zuni priests had believed that these birds specifically had the capability of calling the rain in. I wouldn't doubt it. Well, of course, the hummingbird has also been associated with the rains, and many Zuni priests had tried their best to collect the feathers of the hummingbird in order to use as a sacred charm for their rituals. There's also the wagtail, the king of the birds, the wren. Ooh, the sacred bird of the druids. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, there's that story about the hummingbird and how it obtained its colors, which dates back to the time of the ancient Mayans, where they believed the hummingbird was a god who took form as a bird to seduce the moon. Of course, the Zuni Mountains themselves, on the very eastern side, had lava deposits from a volcano, a volcano demon, who set fire to the mountains from an ancient bet that he had lost with the Sun of the Sun. In this myth, hundreds of birds lost their homes or were simply killed during this volcanic eruption. But it was said that the bravest of the brave, of all the birds, was the hummingbird himself, who fluttered around and spoke directly with the rain clouds, further convincing them to put out the fires. As the hummingbird desperately completed his mission to save the Zuni Mountains and all of their creatures, they flew through a rainbow and absorbed all the colors. You know, as humans, the idea of flight has has plagued. It's plagued us all. A fascination which we've we've chased for centuries. Witches and wizards and shamans have all been known to somehow have the ability to to fly themselves. I could go on for hours. Hmm. I did. I did a little uh research on some tracks that I actually I don't think I've ever uh featured for any of our playlists, so I'm uh looking forward to some beats. Well, this is also, well, there's something else I forgot to mention. Hum ding, chum ding. Got a half my afternoon cigarette. 511 p.m. Alright, so I don't try to say there's there's really there's something else. Oh, that I forgot to mention. Let us say it. That could be ever, you know, so special about this particular episode. Well, it's April, so we're warming up slightly. Uh and the winds. And the winds make love to the sea. It happens every day. You just you don't want to just observe from the distance. You want to be there. With your feet in the water, and those negative ions bursting from tidal waves. Anyway, how did you get to guessing as to why this episode is the most special episode of them all?

SPEAKER_09 16:37

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and all right, and I will die.

SPEAKER_07 16:49

And now for our commercial break. Dear Merc. Okay, bye. Holy fuck.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Oh, that was a crazy storm.

SPEAKER_06 17:35

The storm that swept us into ourselves.

SPEAKER_07 17:41

Thunder and lightning and and and then it even snowed a little. It was uh that was some goddamn monsoon. Perfect timing. Well I got the other night. That was the twelfth? Hmm, just in time.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Announcy.

SPEAKER_07 18:09

This is our six-year anniversary. It's true, my fellow Venusian. We have been on the air for six six years. That shit's just absolutely yeah, blows my mind. So to celebrate, I've got a spicy hot playlist. Bebeep! So many people honking their horns because they're so angry, because they don't take the time to appreciate themselves or the world around them. There's lots of people like that. But then there are those extraterrestrial types of uh human beings out there in the world. You might know one or two, uh, who uh like the common yellow throat bird. They actually. They actually observe. They take note of your needs, they make lists, and they add that very sacred kinda fairy dust to the witch's brew. Toss in some snow, some rainbow pubic hair, and a jelly donut. Several stripes. 15 kumquats. Dinosaur semen. I have to eat 12 ounces of honeysuckle. Ooh, lots of enthusiasm, confidence, one red macaw, a Burmese python tooth, eleven fiery spores, fuchsia shaped syllables, star dragon scales. Uh one mermaid tail, a broken video camera, live fireflies, about five or probably six of those, you know, whole carrots. Just throw them in there. As they are. I mean, come on, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Hi.

SPEAKER_07 20:31

I'm running errands, but I need to excuse me, finish this episode.

SPEAKER_06 20:42

Yeah. Thank you for joining me.

SPEAKER_07 20:53

All right, all right. That needs to be oozing out of your cocoon. Give your power back to that part of yourself that you thought. You lost decades ago. Hickup. Well, my delicate Venusian, you have finally landed on the right interplanetary coordinates. So press play. So press play. Oh my God, happy anniversary. Happy six years. This is is truly, truly something. Well, I think that's pretty much all I've got for us. How do you feel? Um you ready for good batteries or bad batteries? You could witch or a battery.

SPEAKER_10 44:21

See a buried witness to your pain. I interrupt you legacy asleep, waiting and hoping for your return. Not only just the return, also the arrival, the arrival of the unknown, of the untouched, of the unfelt. You see, we love too with empty pages and a pen on the floor. Run to me, asking ourselves for more.

SPEAKER_11 59:25

Oh my darling, will you be my wife? The wind is getting warmer day by day. Spring is on its way, and I can hear the bells ring. The wind is getting warmer day by day. The smell of winter's melting snow is fading my way. The wind is getting warmer day by day. Oh my body as I start to sway. The wind is getting warmer day by day. Spring is on its way, but nature's taking its time. The wind is getting warmer day by day. Waking up to yet another frosty dawn. The wind is getting warmer day by day. Oh my patience, could it be today? The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer. The wind is getting warmer skin.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:40

One thing, I don't know. All I'm thinking about girl. Got me up and singing my love songs. I can feel a lot of my love scope. You can't even tell me I don't know. Give me a bit singing my love song. All I'm ever thinking about girl. Can you find a way I can have love? And that you don't come to me.

SPEAKER_12 1:04:26

It just like a memory. It's just like a memory. It's just like a memory. It just like a memory. If I should let go, I will take you back in time.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:00

And I take on And it comes with Tell me when it turned a girl. And I keep singing you must that little love song. I can take it in my heart, girl.

unknown 1:05:18

I tell you that's turning a part, girl. Keep on singing my little love song.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:25

You can even tell me my mind's wrong. If only you could sing with my mind's own. And every time I love it, it's just a dream.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

Another big game.

unknown 1:06:00

You just like a memory. You just like a member. You just like a member. You just like a member of me. Maybe if I was just smile.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:22

Maybe then you'd even say now I know I'm winning for the sand.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:01

They'll take us where we want to go. Hold me now, touch me now. I don't want to live without you. Nothing's gonna change my love for you. You wanna know by now how much I love you. One thing you can be sure of, I'll never ask for more than your love. Nothing's gonna change my love for you. You wanna know by now how much I love you. The woman changed my whole life. One love is gonna change my love for you. So come with me and share the view. I'll help you see forever too. Hold me now, touch me now. I don't want to live without you. You wanna know I know how much I love you. One thing you can't be true. I never love. You wanna know I know how much I love you. You wanna change my whole life? I love you, thank you, get you back, I don't change my love for you, you want to change my ball, but not in change, my love for you. One thing you can't be sure. I'll never ask for more than your love.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:38

Possible to flow possible to flow possible not to go possible not too much.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:28

Stay tuned for our next episode. Yeah. You can head over to our website, Haviness.com, and just kind of scroll down, and there you'll see Mailing list. Mailing list, a bi-monthly newsletter. You know, we're not gonna flood your inbox. This is Gina Jelinski, your devoted host. Yeah. I'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:59

Shrabadabada, Shabadabada, Gengturi, Shrabadabada, Shabadabada, Vjadr Goni, Shabba Dabada, Shrabadabada, Rebo mim, mm.